Watch out for the crazy pregnant lady, son

I'm really nervous right now. As far as it stands, I AM PREGNANT!!!!! My beta HCG test came back with good results on Friday. It only had to double, but it in fact tripled so I was very happy to hear that. I've got to go in 2 weeks for an ultrasound to make sure that everything is developing properly and in the correct place. This 2 week wait is going to kill me, or at least make me even more insane than I already am. I'm having to resist the urge to POAS every time I go to the restroom. Thankfully there are no more in the house and Mike refuses to let me buy more. I am obsessing about things that I have absolutely no control over, and those who know me best know that when I obsess I do it in a BIG way.

Every little twinge and cramp I feel makes me immediately think that I am having a miscarriage. Every time my ovaries hurt (which is a normal occurrence) I begin preparing myself for the fact that this pregnancy may be ectopic or something equally heinous. I go to the bathroom every few hours and anxiously peer into the bowl to make sure there is no blood or even the lightest stain on the paper.

I hate being so anxious about everything. I wish so much that I could be happy and excitedly pregnant, like I was with Nugget. When we found out we were pregnant with him, at no point did I ever stop and thing that anything might go wrong. I just assumed the pregnancy would be fine and he would be perfect. Which, it was and he is.. for the record.

The last year of reading books about fertility has left me so informed I'm over-informed. I know WAY more about how more than 1 in 5 pregnancies end in the first 12 weeks, and the symptoms of every fertility malady known to mankind. I HATE the internet because I have instant access at my fingertips to tens of thousands of web pages, articles and personal stories about "when pregnant went wrong..." One of my best friends is a walking cautionary tale on high risk pregnancies.

I just want to be a "normal" pregnant chick. I want to be happy, excited and KNOW that everything is going to be alright. I don't know what is wrong with me and why I can't feel that way again. Maybe it is all the worrying that comes with being a mom, all rolled up with my own obsessive tendencies. Either way, its going to be an interesting couple of weeks. I'll keep you posted.